If you read my last blog post, you know that I was kind of a B-word to my husband. That’s embarrassing to admit, but I was. It’s funny, because at the time, I seriously thought he was the jerk. In my mind, my husband was a huge jerk and lacked so much. Now I’m finding that he’s actually pretty great when my mind is looking for the good things he does.
I knew this was possibly a case of “mind over matter” sort of situation, so I googled. Yes, I am a googler. I google everything. It helps me, okay. Haha. I would google “I hate my husband” or “Hate my marriage as a newlywed” or “How to fix marriage” and on and on. I was searching for ANYTHING that would help, any insight, any stories. The kicker is, as negative as that all sounds, I was looking for something that would help – not something to justify my feelings. So, what did I find?
I found A LOT of forums with women bashing their husbands and commiserating in their displeasing marriages. I would read them and think to myself, “Wow, I wouldn’t want to be married to any of these people! They probably have nice husbands.” Guess what? I was one of those women, and I did (do) have a nice husband.
Aside from the forums filled with complaints, I found one blog about a woman’s experience getting married, hating it, and then getting a divorce. Also not helpful for what I needed. I believed in marriage. I believed in the vows I took. I believed in making it work – I just didn’t really know how.
Finally, I did find a few Christian websites that encouraged making it work. I’m a Christian, and grew up in the faith, so I am familiar with their advice advocating prayer, putting Jesus first, and so on. I want to make it clear: I am not discouraging that, or saying it’s not valid. I agree that Jesus should be the center. I agree that prayer should be a foundation in a marriage. With that said, when you’re in a bad place in marriage, that can be so hard to do. Here was a common scenario for me: I would be mad or rude to my husband. My husband would then be a little distant. I would then demand we should go to church, or pray, or read the Bible. He didn’t really want to do that with me, and I would continue to be mad and rude to him. Whoops! Yeah, that was real life.
If you’re like me, you need some concrete to-do steps to take for creating a better marriage. That’s why I started this blog. To help women who are struggling in marriage, and they still want to make it WORK! Women who don’t want to just “hang in there”, women who actually want to be happy with their men. I share all of this with you, so that you can enjoy your marriage and your man can enjoy YOU! That is what we all want, isn’t it? To make someone happy, and be happy?
You’ve probably heard this a zillion times (especially if you’re a millennial) – society today teaches us to get rid of things if they don’t work, and don’t make us happy. Old? Get a new one. Slow? Get a faster one. Ugly? Get a cuter one. Whatever it is, we’re told to trade in the lesser for the better. Well, I’m challenging you to not give into that mentality. Marriage is too important – to your family, to your friends, to our society, to our history as a people. It’s freaking important!!! it’s important that your marriage succeeds.
If you googled “How to make marriage better” then I hope this blog helps you! Don’t give up. Your marriage can and will improve if you believe it.
**Disclaimer: If you are in an abusive relationship of any kind – leave now! You do not need to try to make it better. Get out, be safe, and find a real man that does not feel like he needs to control you. **