Yesterday I witnessed something magical. It was inspiring, but I’m not sure how inspiring if I’m not willing to do it. Let me explain…
I met a dating couple. There was something different about them, very different, then what I am accustomed to seeing. I met her, I was confused. I mean this in a factual way, not judging, but she was not drop dead gorgeous, sexy, or cute…or so I thought. The guy was a good looking guy’s guy, who was extremely nice and down to earth. I expected his girlfriend to be somewhat of a girly girl, maybe wearing a dress and smelling nice.
Instead, when I greeted her I was confused. She wore laid back clothing that a boy could have worn, with tennis shoes and a very short non-styled hair style (much like a man’s cut). My mind began questioning their relationship – what was it like? Why her?
Sure, that maybe sounds awful and judgmental. I’m being honest. It’s not every day I see this type of couple, and perhaps I need to keep my eyes open for more because I can see the magic now. Back to the story…
I watched them interact and I instantly knew why he chose her. Heck, I was about to choose her after being with them! She (let’s call her Amy) truly loved and respected him (let’s call him John). It oozed from her, in the sweetest most desirable way. Amy wasn’t a needy girl. You could tell she had her own opinions, and John loved her for that, too.
The way she spoke to John was something all women could emulate and have their men bowing at their feet. Seriously. She was sweet, turning to him in the most subtle way: leaning on him, putting her arm around him, resting her hand on his knee, laying her head on his shoulder with a little kiss to his neck. It was not needy. I know you’re probably imagining that needy girl that constantly needs to be touched and paid attention to by her man. This was not the case here. She wasn’t saying, “Pay attention to me!!!!” with her actions. She was saying, “I support you, I’m here with you.”
In making decisions about finding a house, John held Amy’s opinion highly. He wouldn’t do anything, truly, without her consent. The best part was when she gave her opinion, she thought of his feelings almost more than her own. And again, John would ask, “tell me what you really think?” Then finally, he asked, “Would you live here?”
Her response, in the most sincere way, “I would live anywhere with you.”
She said it with zero hesitations, and without a cheesy connotation. She was genuine. You should have seen his smile.
I also noticed that she never said anything negative to John, or about John. If her feeling towards something was negative, she would say, “It’s very nice, I only wonder if in the future…” And if John said or did something a little silly, instead of saying, “Obviously not!” she would look at him, smile, and say so genuinely, “You are so cute.”
Now, remember how she wasn’t the cutest girl? By the end of the time I spent with them I began thinking she was gorgeous and had more sex appeal than Megan Fox. I’m sure this is exactly how John viewed her too! He was mesmerized by her. Her power over John was so great, and yet she used it to love him even more and never hurt him.
So, I thought I’d challenge myself to do the same for my husband. To love him and honor him, give him sweet gestures, give my opinion in only loving ways. Our relationship was about to be revolutionized!
Then I got home.He was being his annoying self again, and I thought why would I ever be so nice to him? Okay, that’s horrible, but those are my very real and very human thoughts.
Most of the time I think my husband is 100% a narcissist. It’s hard for me to respect him. He makes vulgar jokes only and often. It’s hard for me to be nice to him. He acts like an imbecile and makes me do all the housework and pay the bills. It’s hard for me to love him. He stares at other women. It’s hard for me to think of him more than an asshole.
Feel familiar? Am I the only one with these thoughts? Did I choose wrongly in my husband choice, or I am I turning him into the man I don’t want him to be?
I don’t know the answers to these questions. I’d love to know, so I’m going to explore this way of acting and appeasing my husband. Will his actions change? I pray they do, because I’m over feeling hurt and feeling like I live with the worst person ever for me. I may feel like a stereotypical 1950s housewife, but I have always looked up to them. I can still give my opinion, just not yell and scream it. Should be do-able…
So, let’s start with one week of this loving wife challenge and see what the outcome is after that time.
Loving Wife Challenge
– Only encouraging interactions
- Only positive facial expressions
- Only positive comments
- Have supper ready, or a plan for supper (how my husband feels loved)
- Gentle, loving gestures
- Cuddle him when I can
- Encourage him
- Listen to him
- Pray for him