Learning to Live Together

Ok – before I get into today’s post, let me give you an update on this loving/encouraging wife challenge. I’ll admit, the first few days I TOTALLY forgot that I was supposed to be loving. Seriously, it’s sad, but I fell back into being naggy, critical, short-fused….definitely not loving. It was hard – and is hard – being sweet and loving when my mind was focused on the negatives of my husband. Even though I was thinking how annoying my husband was being, I remembered OH YEAH – Gotta be an encouraging wife! In order to be sweet and loving, I had to focus on the good things. MIND BLOWN!!…I know it’s simple, but it has helped just altering my mindset. I’ll give more of an update a few days from now.

So on Sundays, I go to my grandparents house. I have done this my whole life, and I’m very close with my grandparents. Growing up, I remember my grandparents being SO sweet together, and I also remember them arguing as the “typical old married couple” does.

I think sometimes we think that married couples don’t fight. Rephrase: I think sometimes we think HAPPY married couple don’t fight.

Our society tends to show married couples as unhappy and always bickering. Something I’m beginning to understand – fighting, arguing, bickering is a part of even a happy marriage.

This most recent Sunday, I was at my grandparents house and I could tell they were getting a little agitated with each other on small things. When I was younger, this would happen and I would think it was funny because they would get annoyed about little things that each other did. Now that I am married, I recognize myself in this little bickering.

After a couple of mini-annoyances throughout the day, my grandpa finally said during one of them (this annoyance was over a slightly over-filled coffee cup :), “I think we need to take a class on how to live together.”

Haha! This is genius. I’m so glad I heard him say this to show that even happy marriages go through these struggles. Can you imagine? My grandparents have been married almost 60 years. SIXTY YEARS! And they are saying they need a class? If they need a class, I certainly need a year long retreat for my marriage.

I have always looked up to my grandparents, and still do. Their marriage underwent, in my opinion, the most stressful beginning years. They got pregnant in high school – grandma dropped out – they got married – grandpa went into the service – and they ended up having six children (5 unplanned, right in a row!).

That is a ROUGH start, if you ask me. That generation didn’t believe in divorce, they found ways to make it work, and be happy. And if you asked my grandparents, I know they would say that they are happy. They still laugh together, they still touch, they still flirt – they’re married, in love…and it’s okay to fight!

When my husband and I fight, sometimes we think, “UGH! How is this fighting always happening?! They are so annoying, I must have chosen the wrong person to marry!” I’m learning how to get those thoughts to go away. Although I think it’s normal, I think the “wrong person” thought can be avoided.

I want to avoid that thought. I want my marriage to thrive. I DON’T want to hate my marriage.

I want to be a loving, sweet, encouraging wife.


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